The 19 Yard Line

A Bro Bowler represents a player that exemplifies teamwork above all.  Although he is not on this year’s team, the idea was mostly inspired by Earnest Graham.  When injuries forced their starting fullback out of the lineup, Graham offered to play fullback, giving up his starting halfback position, which he was doing quite well at.  It gave him the opportunity to block for Warrick Dunn, and during that span, the Bucs remained successful.  Unfortunately, Graham was hurt in Week 11 and lost for the season, which was a big factor in why a team that started out 9-3 didn’t make the playoffs.  Earnest, I salute you for doing exactly what a Bro Bowler would do.  With that said, I now announce to you the team (and I’m sorry there’s no offensive lineman or defensive players, but seriously, how do you differentiate them when it comes to this?  You can’t, you just cant).

QB Chad Pennington- Need I really say anything?  The guy gets dumped by the Jets and is sent off to the Dolphins and somehow turns a team that only won game last year to a team that wins the division that the Patriots also happen to be in.  To do something like that out of nowhere, you really have to be a team player and leader.  The image of the Dolphins changed the day Pennington signed, and though few people noticed it at first, we all know what a solid team this is now.

RB DeAngelo Williams- The Pro Bowl can snub you but I would never do such a thing DeAngelo!  There’s no reason to ramble off his stats again, that has nothing to do with this team.  In fact, I would have never imagined putting someone with such crazy stats on this team.  But I do so for a reason.  And it’s not because I love him for being my fantasy football hero.  I do it because of every time I saw Jonathan Stewart score, thus obviously taking one from DeAngelo, the first guy out there to celebrate and congratulate him is DeAngelo himself.  The guy never needed the spot light or the touchdowns, as evidenced by the first month of the season when Stewart was getting all the goal line carries and looked like the back of the future.  But after that, DeAngelo still managed to put up huge numbers because, well, he realized he was that good and decided he could score from anywhere on the field.  More importantly, their solid running back duo is what makes them one of the NFL’s best teams going into the playoffs.

Fantasy Football MVP, Bro Bowler... who needs the Pro Bowl?

FB Spencer Larsen- The rookie was thrust into the starting line up due to injuries… at two positions!  The fullback started there when Peyton Hillis had to move to halfback, and was also forced to play linebacker as well, the other position he tried out for during training camp.  Now that is a guy who wants to help the team win (even though the Broncos forgot how to at the end of the season).

WR Anquan Boldin- The guy put money issues during the off season behind him to focus on helping this team win.  He also has one of the top receivers in the league opposite him, but I have yet to see any conflict between the two.  Watching Boldin play is like watching a fullback play receiver (he happened to be a college QB at Florida State) with the way he hits and attacks the defenders when he has the ball.  On any given day, it’s always obvious which player wants to win the game the most just by watching his fierce persona.

WR Wes Welker- Wow, two Pro Bowl receivers on the Bro Bowl team… wasn’t expecting that.  But seriously, these guys are breaking the mold from your usual star receiver.  Welker is overshadowed by fellow receiver, Randy Moss, but it’s Welker who does all the dirty work with the short passes, making the sort-of-rookie, Matt Cassel’s life easier.  Had three TDs compared to Moss’ eleven but is one of the most important factors to the success of this team.

TE Vernon Davis- I could have easily have chosen a starting tight end who is always visibly outperformed by the backup who is more of a pass catcher (Alge Crumpler and Daniel Graham), but I seriously almost fell asleep at the thought of that.  As for Vernon Davis, I would have never thought I’d be saying this at the beginning of the season.  But after his little confrontation with Coach Mike Singletary, he’s really turned things around, and the team has followed.  Singletary has really gotten the exact player he wanted in the one that first pushed his buttons the wrong way, which has triggered 49er wins and hope for the 2009 season.  Plus, Singletary says Davis is the best blocking tight end he’s ever seen.  And those eyes have seen a lot.

Now that is wind power.

Wildcard Weekend Picks

Colts over Chargers:  Wow, an 8-8 team hosting a 12-4 team.  That means that out of all of the teams playing this weekend, the team with the worst record has homefield advantage over the team with the best record.  Still not enough for the Chargers.  But you never know… and that’s why I love the NFL playoffs.

Ravens over Dolphins:  I’m rooting for the Dolphins, but yeah, not too confident about this one (even though the only team the Dolphins beat last year was the Ravens!).

Eagles over Vikings:  Even though the Eagles were the big longshot to make the playoffs going into the last week, I’m still surprised the Vikings are in the playoffs.  Man, that one tie actually ended up helping the Eagles, after all.  I ALWAYS have confidence in McNabb (unlike Andy Reid).

Falcons over Cardinals:  I’m still not sure how the Falcons are so good, I just accept that they are.  And the Cardinals are really falling apart.  Their only hope is following the lead of a certain Bro Bowler.

Notice anything?  I’m picking all of the Wildcard teams!  And of course, I can’t go through all of this without mentioning how the Patriots missed the playoffs despite winning eleven games.  Of the eight teams playing on Wildcard Weekend, only one has a better record (three have the same amount… and once again, the Chargers are 8-8!).  Word for the wise… never mess with the football karma gods.  Oh ya, one more thing Billy the Hood… the team that beat you in the Super Bowl last year only had ten wins in the regular season.  Ouch.

Fun Fact

Guess how many receptions the Raiders leading wide receiver had this season?  I’ll give you a hint, it’s Johnny Lee Higgins.  Not enough?  Another hint… it’s Wes Welker’s total receptions minus Anquan Boldin’s.  One more hint? Welker had 111 receptions and Boldin had 89.  Do the math and that number is good for 159th in the league.

The Lions are the first 0-15 team in the history of the NFL.  They gave up six touchdowns on the Saints first six possessions which intrigued reporter Rob Parker to ask coach Rod Marinelli after the game whether he wished his daughter had married a better defensive coordinator.  For all of those who don’t know, Marinelli’s son-in-law is his defensive coordinator.  Hateful.

Guess who the Broncos all time leading passer in a season.  No, not Elway.  No, not Bubby Brister (just kiddin’, just wanted to say Bubby).  It’s the man I like to call Baby Jesus.  So far, my nickname is working out.

Michael Vick makes 12 cents an hour in prison and the Falcons are in the playoffs.

Matt Ryan is turning this league upside down

Visanthe Shiancoe does more than look good on camera and confuse people who write and/or say his name… 136 receiving yards and two TDs.

Apparently people who don’t register guns and shoot themselves in the thigh also don’t insure $140,000 Mercedes-Benz vehicles which are carelessly used for rear ending another car.

Forgot to tell you last week, but the former Greg White (didn’t know who he is but now I do) on the Buccaneers has changed his name to Stylez G. White, inspired by a character from the movie Teen Wolf.  He changed the wording from Stiles to Stylez and hopefully he’s telling the truth when he says he just likes the sound of it.  Either way, it’s better than Ocho Cinco.

The 49ers are all growing out mustaches for their final game to honor the 49ers of old.  Now this is a football team people.

I would now like to announce DeAngelo Williams as the 2008 fantasy player of the year.  Calm down, I’m not just saying this because I’m completely obsessed with him after what he did for my fantasy team.  The argument is legit.  He ends the standard fantasy season as the top point getter for running backs, which is the most valued position in fantasy (plus a league leading 20 TDs).  In the last four fantasy games, he scored at least 30 points three times, including 108 yards and four TDs in the championship week.  There’s no way you’re going to convince me there is anybody more valuable than that this year.  It’s a fact.  And he’s still not on the Pro Bowl team…

Ricky being Ricky.

Brandon Jacobs and Derrick Ward might become only the fourth running back duo in the NFL (plus Michael Vick and Warrick Dunn in 2006) to both have 1,00o yard rushing seasons.  Ward only needs 52 yards against the Vikings in week 17 to make it happen.  And after his 215 yards last game against the Panthers (NFL record 14.3 yards per rush for a player with at least 15 carries), it seems possible.  Not to mention that they clinched the top seed in the NFC because of that (how the hell did that happen?), so do you really believe Coughlin when he says he’s going to play the big and fragile Brandon Jacobs a lot?  Expect those 52 yards on Sunday.  And I want it to happen.  I’m not rooting for the Giants or anything, but that is such a great record.  It really exemplifies teamwork, so I’m all for it.  Oh, and I would also like Feagles to get a first down on a fake punt.  What?  That would be awesome.

How crazy was that game against Arizona and New England?  Not only did the Patriots kill the Cardinals, but Matt Cassel kicked Matt Leinart’s team’s ass… and this time Leinart was the backup!  Well, at least until the Cardinals realized Warner’s 30 passing yards wasn’t going to cut it and they put Leinart in to get beat down by his former backup.  Welcome to crazy world.

Which leads me to the point that the Cardinals might make the playoffs at 8-8 (and the Chargers might too!), and yet the Patriots could miss the playoffs in the AFC even if they win eleven games.  If both the Dolphins and Ravens win, that’s what’s going to happen.  Boo hoo.

Which leads me to the point that HOLY CRIPES THE DOLPINS MIGHT WIN THE AFC EAST AND MAKE THE PLAYOFFS after winning only one game last year.  Plus, they have to beat the Jets to guarantee it, which is Chad Pennington’s old team.  I hate to say it Brett, but that trade, because it led them to dropping Pennington, could come back to bite the Jets.  Either way, they would have sucked without Brett.

That’s  all folks,

merry

Christmas.

The comeback fantasy season of the year is now over.  I have just lost in the playoffs, the game before the championship game.  I could say many things (including curse words and regrets and all that mumbo jumbo) but I’m not going to.  I lost fair and square.  Congratulations Abe, I’m sure you will look terrific in the new Aaron Rodgers jersey I owe you.  I would have looked better in a DeAngelo Williams jersey, however, but it is what it is.  After Abe’s free agent pickup last week of Visanthe Shiancoe (holy cripes I finally spelled his name without having to look it up to make sure I spelled it right!), I knew his team would be too powerful to overcome.  Shiancoe scored zero points on Abe’s bench, but I say he was the reason Abe won, because of his presence in the lockerroom and the morale he brought to the team (if you don’t get the joke, check the end of my last blog).  With that said, I’ve decided to look at the positives, most notably the fact that I can actually watch REAL football now without having to worry about fantasy scores.  I’m really looking forward to this.

Reggie Williams after a pregame session with Ricky Williams (no relation)

Anyway, I can’t really write anything else right now because I’m supposed to be studying for my finals.  I actually consider this a bye week for me, but I still had to leave you with a little something.  I will post something later this week when I’m all done with school, as I’m sure I will have something to say after the Pro Bowl rosters are announced Tuesday afternoon.  Every year a ton of guys get snubbed, and the trend will definitely continue this year.  I mean seriously, try to pick three NFC running backs out of Adrian Peterson, Michael Turner, Clinton Portis, DeAngelo Williams, and Brandon Jacobs.  Or how about picking four NFC receivers out of Larry Fitzgerald, Anquan Boldin, Greg Jennings, Roddy White, Steve Smith, and Calvin Johnson.  Like I said, guys are gonna get screwed no matter what.  But to lighten up the mood after all that stress over individual statistics, I will also come out with my 2008 Bro Bowl Team soon, which focuses on team players rather than statistics.

Shwing!

I now leave you with video footage of a potential quarterback the Raiders might try out next year.

Did you know signs aren’t allowed in 49er games?  Well, they aren’t.  And let me tell you how I found out.

Stacie (my wonderful girlfriend… wait, she isn’t going to read this, no need to suck up) and I went to the 49er-Jets game on Sunday.  Being big Brett Favre fans and due to the fact that we both have Brett Favre jerseys (I have a Packers one, she has a Jets jersey), I thought it would be cool to wear them.  But I had never been to a 49ers game and worn another teams jersey.  The idea was pretty scary, which is why, and also because we were sitting in the front row, I decided to make a sign to make it acceptable to wear the Favre jerseys and also as an attempt to get on TV.  The sign read, “Not Jets fans, just Brett’s fans, Go 49ers.”  The cool thing about it though, was that I made the 4 in 49ers Jet green and look like the 4 on Brett’s jersey, while the 9ers was in red and 49ers font.  The description doesn’t even give it justice.  I wish I had a picture of it.  I spent quite some time on it, so it looked pretty sweet.  I was convinced I was going to get on TV.  I must also say that I really despise people who wear a random teams jersey to a game.  It’s OK if you wear the opposing teams jersey and all, but if you’re wearing a completely random team’s jersey, it’s kind of awkward (I saw five Steelers jerseys at the game).  I know, I know, mine was a Packers jersey, which is why I’m bringing this up.  I think this was the one case where it was socially acceptable, because Brett Favre is that big of a deal that people get the point, because it’s pretty much the New York Bretts, and plus, the jersey is the same color green.  It worked.  Stacie thought I would be the only one with a Packers jersey, but I swear, it was about half and half with the Brett Jets jerseys and Packers jerseys, which I had predicted to her.  I made my point to let her know every time I saw a Packers one, too.

Turns out I couldn’t even bring the sign into the stadium.  I walked up to the front gate where they search you for things Plaxico Burress would carry, and the guy told me I had to throw my sign away.  After about seven “Are you serious?” questions, I had no choice but to listen to the man.  I walked into the stadium with a Brett Favre jersey and no sign to defend me and explain why.

Not too sure what's going on here.

It also turns out we weren’t in the front row.  I read “Row I” on my ticket, which looked like a one, and figured it was the front.  I found out the hard way while being yelled at by “true” 49er fans who didn’t care to hear my explanation that despite the fact that I was wearing a Favre jersey, I really wanted the 49ers to win, that the front row is row A, and when the alphabet ends, that’s when row one starts, followed by the rest of the numbers.  So I went to row one, awkwardly scooted down the row in front of a bunch of “true” 49er fans, politely told a guy he was in my seat, and he took a look at my ticket only to tell me that I was really in row I (the letter).  And despite how embarrassing that was and the fact that peanut shells were being thrown at me, my small buzz I had going from the Jameson swigs in the parking lot convinced me to be happy my seat was closer to the field than the peanut throwing goonies near row one.  Take that.  So we finally made it to our seats in row I, which were incredible close, compared to anything I’m used to.

I ended telling the guy next to me not to worry, that I was actually rooting for the 49ers, I just really liked Brett Favre.  He said he didn’t care and that he wasn’t a diehard fan or anything.  He was actually a Steelers fan who ended up moving here from Pittsburgh a year ago.  At that point I warned him things would get even more confusing, and told him I was actually a Browns fan, at which we started talking about the lame “rivalry” between the two teams.  He was a good guy, and ended up sharing his peanuts with me (instead of throwing them at me) and I told him I would never forget the good deed.

With that said, it was very difficult to root for anything going on in the game.  I was rooting for the 49ers, especially Shaun Hill (on my fantasy team), but I realized no 49er fan there believed me or gave a shit.  I was thinking about pretending to be a huge Jets fans that day and just go crazy with it, but I couldn’t.  I really did want the 49ers to win.  I ended up just keeping quiet through most of it.  But it was a good game and the Niners actually won (even though I had to pretend to be sad at the end of the game).  Mike Singletary is the man.  Enough of that.  Let’s get to some other news.

For those of you who don’t know, most fantasy football playoffs started this week (they are usually weeks 13-16).  Since this is what makes or breaks a teams season, I’d thought I’d honor the Fantasy Playoff Ballers of the Week.

Brian Westbrook:  131 rushing yards, 72 receiving yards, 2 total TDs

Antonio Bryant:  200 (!) receiving yards, 2 TDs (most importantly… this catch)

DeAngelo Williams (gotta love him): 186 rushing yards, 2 TDs

Keep in mind that two of those guys played on Monday night, and from what I read on ESPN fantasy blogs, many people who thought they had a playoff victory wrapped up before Monday were in for a rude awakening.

In case you were wondering, I did win my first playoff game and am now set to play my best friend and number one seed in my league, Abe.  This is big because last year he beat me in the playoffs as the underdog, and now I have the chance to do the same.  But the reason it’s really big is because of the bet we have with each other.  Along with Abe and our other friend, the one and only Dylan Foster (great guy… well, when he’s sober), we decided that whoever finishes better at the end of the season wins a jersey.  The catch is that the jersey has to be a major contributing player on your fantasy team, and the two losers have to pay for it.  It’s a way for the winner to be able to strut their stuff and show off one of the guys that helped them win.  After watching Abe wear his Wes Welker jersey this year, I don’t feel like buying him another jersey.  So next week is big, because Dylan lost this week in the first round, so it pretty much comes down to the game between Abe and I.  I’ve had many stressful weeks in my life, but this could end up being the most stressful.  Cripe, I just remembered I have finals next week.  Yup, definitely the most stressful week of my life.

And did anyone realize that OJ Simpson  is finally going to jail?  It seems like nobody is even talking about it.  I mean, cripes, this story was a much bigger (pun intended) deal to most people this week.  Which brings me to my point.  Visanthe Shiancoe, it is known that I have mocked you for still not knowing who the hell you are even though you are having a solid year, but now I know too much.  And don’t forget that something like this already happend to Chris Cooley earlier this year.  So why am I the first to point out that this is only happening to tight ends?  I guess the guys at that position have a lot more going for them than just tight ends, right?  Too far?  Sorry mom.

Last year, when the New York Giants took on who would have become the greatest team ever if they would have won, the New England Patriots, and handed them their first loss of the year, I started believing anything was possible.  To this day, I still can’t believe that happened.  When Barack Obama was voted in as president elect, it gave me hope.  It gave me hope that this nation was finally fulfilling the ideals that our founding fathers had gracefully written for us long ago.  When Plaxico Burress accidentally shot himself in the thigh, I realized that sometimes crazy shit just happens.  But nothing, not even the events that I just mentioned, would prepare me for this… after starting the season out at 0-5 in fantasy football, I am now 7-6 and in the playoffs!  I knew sneaking in with the sixth seed would take a miracle, but somehow due to a points tie-breaker with another 7-6 team, I am entering the playoffs as the fifth seed.  I am so excited I can barely type.  And that’s why I’m not going to type much.  I think I’ve earned that.  Get over it.

DeAngelo has carried me to the playoffs this year and now I'm jumping for joy just like Jake Delhomme.

Through my rough times in fantasy football this year, I’ve despised fantasy football.  But now I can finally say I’m thankful for it because it is helping blind me from real football and the struggles of the Cleveland Browns.  There are rumors that Romeo Crennel needs a miracle to not get fired as the head coach by the end of the season.  After Derek Anderson was injured and is now out for the year along with Brady Quinn, Romeo’s miracle lies in the hands of Ken Dorsey.  Cripes.  Look, I procrastinate and always wait till the last minute, so I can’t say I’ve ever done this before, but I would start packing your bags now, Romeo.

Four players are tied for the league lead in touchdowns with thirteen (Thomas Jones, Michael “The Burner” Turner, LenDale White, and DeAngelo Williams).  Last year, the four of them COMBINED for fifteen on the entire year (LenDale had seven of them).

One last thing.  If you were to catch the game winning touchdown in one of the greatest Super Bowls and upsets of all-time, you would probably be remembered forever for that very moment.  That moment would define you, for years and years after.  I mean, it would really take a lot for you to catch on with another claim to fame.  But thanks to Plaxico Burress, I’ve realized that if you shoot yourself in the thigh, that trumps any other previous accomplishment.  I’m tired of these players consistently getting in trouble at night clubs (party in your mansion guys, c’mon).  And I’m really tired of how players like Plax keep disrespecting their teams by missing meetings and breaking team rule after team rule.  But shoot (no pun intended), this takes it to a whole other level.  The only thing I can really look forward to, since Plax is probably going to face some jail time and Michael Vick is already in the slammer, is that this could really make for a great Longest Yard sequel, right?

In a week in which we saw the most points scored combined in the history of the NFL, my fantasy football team failed to do the same, as my win streak fell and I failed to clinch a playoff berth.  Although I can still do so with a win next week, I can’t help but be upset that my team was stomped by the likes of Chad Pennington, Lance Moore, Leon Washington, and Donovan McNabb (who is on my team).  Go figure.

This picture was so awesome I had to put it here.

As for this story, my guess is Deuce McAllister.

Matt Cassel now has consecutive 400 yard games, something that hasn’t been done since 2004 when Billy Volek (no joke) replaced the injured Steve McNair for the Titans.  That’s something even Tom Brady hasn’t done.  Not even the Tom Brady from last year.  Look, I don’t know if Cassel is getting better or what, but did anyone even realize he’s almost as good looking as Brady as well?  Yeah, you notice now.

Some people, like George Wilson of the Bills, may think Tyler Thigpen STINKS at (real) football, but he is straight up dominating fantasy football this year.

And even though this has nothing to do with their last game (Titans finally lost!), I have some bad news for Brett Favre and Kerry Collins.

I have this theory that people like you and I don’t like reading things that are ridiculously long (I may have been an English major, but Harry Potter scares me), so I’ve decided to cut back on the blogs each week.  Trust me, it’ll be better for me and all three of you that actually read this.  Instead of cramming it all in on Monday night when I should be studying for class, I’ll give you a little somethin’ somethin’ and maybe even one or two more short blogs throughout the week.  And maybe not.  The bottom line is, I don’t even know what’s going to happen from here on out, but I’m not going to scare you like a Harry Potter book anymore.  And before it turns into one, lets get into my trophies of the week.

Terrific New Nickname of the Week
Eric Mangini: “King of Queens” And he coaches in New York!  Perfect.

Catch of the Week.  Wait.  Catch of the Year.  No.  Greatest Catch of All-time.
Troy Polamalu.

Stud of the Week
Spencer Larsen, Broncos.  This rookie sixth round pick not only started his first game in the NFL (well, besides special teams), but he did it on offense, defense, and special teams.  With both their running back and linebacker corps banged up, the Broncos were forced to move their starting fullback, Peyton Hillis (also a rookie) to tailback, making way for Larsen at fullback, and since they needed help at linebacker they called his number there too since he had tried out on defense as well during training camp.  He finished with seven tackles (third on the team) and helped lead Hillis to two touchdowns and a Broncos victory.  Definition of stud.

Win Streak of the Week
No, no, no.  Not the Titans.  My fantasy football team of course, the Abominable BroMen.  I’m sure I’ve told you many times that I started the season out 0-5, but six weeks later, I’m now sitting on a winning record at 6-5.  I’ve also moved into sixth place out of twelve teams, in prime position to make the playoffs if I keep it up.  But instead of jinxing it by talking it up, scratch what I just said and let’s go with the Titans.  Now that they are capable of passing it and scoring 24 points, they look scary good.  Plus, unlike the Patriots last year, all they care about is winning the Super Bowl rather than going undefeated and winning the Super Bowl, so I like their chances.  But they won’t go undefeated with the remaining schedule they have, which is probably for the best (ask the Pats).

Jonathan Vilma doing his best impression of Batman. And not just by the way he's leaping, but check it out, he's also going after a criminal!

Beatdown of the Week
Giants over the Ravens.  I’m not even talking about the score (30-10), I’m talking about the Giant’s running game.  With Earth (Brandon Jacobs), Wind (Derrick Ward), and Fire (Ahmad Bradshaw), the Giants ran for 207 yards, the first time a team has rushed for over 200 yards against the Ravens in eleven years!  Goddamn global warming…

“First Wins” of the Week
Mike Singletary and Brady Quinn.  Couldn’t choose just one because they both had to deal with heartbreaking losses the week before.  So we’re going to have to go with a tie here.  Deal with it McNabb.  It’s in the rulebook.

“Show Me the Money” Player of the Week
Anquan Boldin.  After rightfully asking for a trade after not being paid anywhere near what he is worth over the off season, Boldin decided to suit up and play with the little money he was getting.  Because of that, I was expecting big things from him since day one.  After his 186-yards receiving performance he now has 792 on the season and ten touchdowns (first amongst receivers by far and only one behind the three league leaders with eleven).  SHOW HIM THE MONEY.  And if you don’t, he’s going to change his number to 85 just so you get the point.

Drunkest Guy of the Week
Jim Fassel.  I say things that don’t make any sense when I’m drunk too Jimmy boy.

Best Two Words of the Week that Not Only Define a Game but also a Team’s History
Wide Right.  I was just going to leave it at that, but seriously, Ryan Lindell’s kick was also from 47 yards away, just as Scott Norwood’s fateful kick was.  Poor Bills fans.  I’m not saying all this to mock you or to brag that the Browns won, I genuinely feel sorry for you.  Well except for one of you.  Near the end of the game I happened to catch a Bill’s fan hold up a sign that said “Staph infection,” with an arrow pointing down, as he hung it over a Browns fan.  For the record, if you don’t already know, the Browns players have had six staph infections in the past few years.  I’ll give him credit, that was one of the most creative signs I’ve ever seen, but I’ll take six staph infections over two Wide Rights any day, buddy.